Wilde Hearts
by SharonH
Summary: The crew of Serenity make new friends. After Serenity
1. Chapter 1

The 'verse is vast and seemingly endless. In theory you could go an incredibly long time without coming across another vessel. This has never been the case for the crew of Serenity.

Mal knew they needed to pick up some type of work if they were gonna keep food in their bellies. Much as he might like the notion of lyin low for a tick, it just weren't meant to be. In his mind he'd already failed them too many times. Morale had been low, real low. His crew had been hit hard by first Book's death, and then Wash's. After they had sent out the broadcast on the evolution of the Reaver's they'd all thought it was going to be smooth and shiny. Inara had stayed with him and it had certainly looked as if they were on an upward swing.

For two months things had gotten better. Zoë was starting to sleep nights, Simon and Kaylee were almost inseparable, Mal and Inara seemed to be moving closer to something, and even Jayne seemed more settled. Then Inara had taken sick. Mal's hands clenched at his sides as he stared out at the control panel in front of him. Nothin' Doc had been able to do; the wasting sickness had spread too quickly. After two months of pain and suffering her death had been a terrible blow to them all. Mal could taste the bitterness in the back of his throat thinking of all the things he'd never say to the beautiful Companion who he'd come to care for. They'd never have the chance to see if they were meant to be anything more to each other. She'd been gone eight months now, the others just a little over a year.

"Time acts like glue on broken hearts." River's voice came to him softly from the co-pilots chair.

Mal looked over at the waifish girl next to him. She was still pale and still spoke strange some, but overall there seemed a settling or calmness to her now. "So they say Darlin', so they say." He sighed. "Wish I knew if we were wastin time." He didn't expect an answer, or maybe he did because when it came to River she rarely did what was expected.

They'd been docked in Persephone for two days looking for a pilot. There'd been a few feelers, but so far no one'd jumped out at him. Oh, they'd been plenty good, but he was hesitatin' about bringin' in someone new. Hard to trust people.

"You're making excuses." River said beside him. When he looked at her she continued. "Miss Wash, but Wash is flying his own ship now. Time moves forward not sideways or backwards, although there are theories…"

"You gettin' to the point Darlin'?"

She blinked at him once. "Get a new pilot." She told him bluntly.

Kaylee watched the passersby with little interest. Zoë, Jayne, and Simon were off getting provisions, and Captain and River were fiddlin' around in the cockpit. Hopefully the crew that was out would be bringing her back a much needed thermal transistor coil. In the meantime she was working on the cargo bay doors which seemed to be sticking some. So caught up in her task she was startled when someone cleared their throat behind her. Turning she was struck dumb by the handsome man grinning at her.

He was tall, probably around Jayne's height, and in the same age range as Mal. The man had broad shoulders and ebony hair which was cut short in an almost military fashion. He was tanned, had stormy gray eyes, chiseled features, and a gleaming smile. This was a man that would always get a second look from the ladies.

"Hullo there Miss. Might this be the fine ship that's led by Captain Malcolm Reynolds?"

When he spoke his deep voice resonated with an accent like none she'd heard. It wasn't the cockney accent of Badger, but it rolled and flowed almost melodically.

"Um, Yeah." She sputtered. "Sure is."

"Ah, that's fine then. Would it be possible to be seein him?"

"Who's askin'?" Both Kaylee and the man looked back to find Mal walking towards them. As he got closer and got a look at the man a grin broke out across his face. "Well I'll be humped! Sayer Wilde!' He strode forward and the two men shook hands enthusiastically. "Kaylee meet Sayer Wilde, one of the best fighter pilots the Independents ever had. Sayer this is Kaylee Frye, the best mechanic anyone could ever ask for."

"Ah, it's truly blessed you are Malcolm, to have such a flower working for you." He said and bestowed a kiss on Kaylee's hand causing her to grin and blush.

"Ignore this old Irishman Kaylee girl." Mal laughed. "What're you doin' on Persephone?"

"It's twofold really. I'm lookin' for me a job, and I've got a job for the crew I take up with." He explained. "I'm hopin' it's a trustworthy group I find."

Mal nodded. It wasn't like that would be the easiest thing. Which immediately struck him as funny. "Deng ye miao (_hold on a second_). Well isn't this just shiny. Sayer I think we might be able to help each other out old friend. Let's have us a drink."

The rest of Serenity's crew returned to ship with their purchases several hours later. Kaylee was in the middle of praising herself for fixing the bay doors. "Where's Captain?" Zoë asked.

Kaylee grinned at her good-naturedly. "He went out with an old friend. Someone he knew from the war."

Zoë quirked her eyebrow at this. She knew almost everyone that Mal knew from the war. "Have a name?"

"Sayer Wilde. He's shuai (_handsome_)." Kaylee sighed dreamily. She blushed when Simon gave her a mock glare. "Not as shuai as you are." She assured him.

"I remember Mal talking about him. I never met him." She nodded to herself. "He was transferred out the same time I was transferred in." Shrugging she grabbed several cartons and passed them over to Kaylee. "Your coils."

Kaylee clapped gleefully and grabbed the boxes. "Xie xie (_thank you_)!" She then hurried off to work on the installation. Simon watched her go, shared a bemused smile with Zoë, and then headed to the infirmary to unload his new inventory.

Zoë and Jayne were working on unloading the rest of the provisions from the mule when they heard singing coming into the ship. Bad singing. Lewd singing. They looked up to find their Captain; their grinning Captain; with a stranger boarding.

"Zoë! Jayne!" Mal yelled. "Meet Sayer. Sayer these are the two I was telling you 'bout."

"It's a pleasure to be meetin' the both of ya." He smiled winningly. "Jayne, I hear you're quite the weapons master, and Zoë, I hear you're Mal's right arm. If only the rest of him were as beautiful."

Zoë tensed waiting for the come on, but it never came.

"Sayer was a fighter pilot in the war." Mal informed them.

"Was you at Serenity Valley with these guys?" Jayne asked standing up taller, feeling smaller next to the big man.

"Captured like a butterfly in a spike filled net. The honey was a trap." River's voice came from the metal platform leading down to the cargo bay. "Locked up they tried to make the birdie sing, but it was mute."

Jayne shook his head in some disgust. "Sometimes the girl goes on a bit…"

"Nay, she's right." He looked at River with keen intelligence shining in his dusky eyes. "I was turned into the Alliance by someone I trusted. Niao shi de du gui (_piss soaked pikers_). It was right before Serenity Valley. I was kept in their 'interrogation' for six months; their prison for two years after. The only reason I got out of there was because my Grandmother paid their 'fines'."

Zoë knew what was coming before Mal ever opened his mouth, but it still hurt a bit to hear. "Sayer's gonna be our new pilot."

"Welcome." She said quietly.

"Ah, it's quite gracious you're bein'." He spoke to her directly and she knew Mal must've told him about Wash. "I thank ya, and only hope I'll be up to the task."

"Sayer also has a payin' job for us." Mal said with a grin. This sparked their interest. "Let's call the crew together and we'll talk about it."


	2. Chapter 2

They sat around the galley table munching on the apples and carrots provided by their new member. Similar to Zoë and the Captain he sliced into his produce with a pocket knife and inspected each piece before popping it into his mouth. "Not long after I was turned into the Alliance, my cousin, my younger cousin, Meredith was turned in. Now Merry wasn't a soldier in the War; not a fighter at least. No, our Merry's a healer." At Simon's raised brows he explained. "Not a trained doctor such as yerself, but still quite skilled."

"Who turned you in?" Malcolm interrupted.

Sayer looked down at the table for a moment then met Mal's eyes. "I'm ashamed to say it was me own betrothed. First she turned me in, and then she turned Meredith in." He gave a bitter chuckle. "I'm not such a great judge of character obviously."

"Everyone makes mistakes sometimes." Kaylee sympathized.

"What a sweet girl ya are. You're truly a lucky man doctor." He smiled at the two sitting so close. "Merry was held for six months and let go, well, she was supposed to be let go. An Alliance officer had taken a shine to her. Our Merry is a fine lass; intelligent, kind, a shining personality, and quite lovely. He kept her captive for two years. She managed to break free of him, seemed to be making a life for herself the past few years, but a few months ago he found her again."

"The Alliance is allowing this?" Simon asked.

"As much as I'd love to put all of the blame at their door Doctor, in all honesty I don't believe they know. The first time she broke free was due to the Alliance; his superiors found out what he was doing. Along with several other highly illegal activities. He was demoted. It didn't stop him. Our Merry is a bright girl though. She managed to break free again three days ago. Managed to wave me. I need to go and get her, and take her home to our Grandmother."

"That's the job." Malcolm finished. "Get Sayer's cousin, and take her home. For that he's paying credits and provisions."

Before anyone could say anything Sayer spoke again, "Understand, this isn't illegal, he was holding her without authorization. However, this man is a dangerous individual. He will be looking for her."

They all looked at each other for a moment before Zoë spoke. "We're in."

Serenity was on her way to New Thetus, a colony towards the outer rim where Meredith Wilde had managed to find temporary sanctuary. Sayer was flying while reminiscing with Mal, Zoë was with them passing along her own war stories, and Kaylee, Simon, and River were the devil only knew. Jayne was busy lifting weights.

"Deltoids."

Her voice startled him, and his eyes darted quickly to find River staring at him from the stairs nearby. Maybe if I just don't say anything, he thought to himself.

"No, that won't work." She smiled, and stood.

"Shouldn't you be off with your brother or Kaylee." He snapped.

River moved closer to the grumbling and sweaty mercenary. "Not as angry as you pretend." She said loftily. Gliding one hand along the metal of the weights she smiled. "Startled, mystified, non-comprehending, perhaps, but not angry."

"Whatever." He grunted.

Emotions and feelings danced through her nerves. She felt giddy just being close to him. That's different, or perhaps not. River wondered for a moment what would happen if she touched him. She couldn't remember if they'd ever touched. Well, besides the time she cut him and he slapped her, but she hadn't really been cutting him. She'd been saving him. Saving him from the evil icon he'd been wearing. Saving him before it took control of him. At least that's what she'd thought was going to happen. River almost sighed. That seemed like such a long time ago. All of these feelings and physical symptoms were fairly new. So much changing since she'd become a woman, or an adult at least.

Deciding to experiment, she moved closer, and slid her hands over his sweaty, bare shoulders. Several things happened simultaneously. She gasped as everything inside her stilled and then seemed to burst into life, Jayne practically dropped the weights back into the guide. He jumped up and away from her, panting with the exertion. Something raged in his eyes for a moment, and it seemed to answer something within her. "Oh." She said softly.

"Shen sheng de gao wan (_Holy testicle Tuesday_)! What in rutting hell you doin?" he practically shouted.

"Wow." The word barely left her mouth. She advanced on him and he backed away, wariness in his eyes. When she'd finally backed him into the wall he stiffened.

"I'm armed." He warned.

River leaned in slowly and placed her lips on his. Jayne was stunned senseless. The intense pleasure electrified her, and she leaned in closer, grabbed his shirt, and pulled his body to hers. When he felt her lithe body molded against his he groaned. The taste of her cinched it and he pulled her closer his hands splaying the sides of her rib cage and fisting in her dress. His mind told him there was something wrong with this, but his body and heart were egging him on. It wasn't helping that she was devouring him as much as he was her. She finally pulled away and he tried to catch his breath. She gave him a brilliant smile and skipped away.

Zoë stared at the small plastic dinosaurs that were lined up along the control panel perimeter. So far Sayer had been with them for a week, and hadn't said a word about them, but he was probably wanting them gone. "I can get rid of those." She offered.

He looked over at her and then at the toys. Mal had told him they were her husband's. "They're fine. Not doin' any harm. Unless you just want them gone I don't have any problem with ya leavin' em. They add charm to this otherwise gray cockpit." Sayer watched her as she seemed lost in thought. "Mal tells me yer husband, Wash, was the best pilot he'd known. That's quite the compliment. I'm truly sorry for your loss."

She looked at him and he saw the strength in her. "He was a good man."

"I can believe it. You were lucky to have each other."

Remembering the story of his fiancé turning him in to the Alliance, Zoë realized he was right. "It was too short, but I am lucky I had him as long as I did. I couldn't ever imagine him doing to me what…"

"What Anise did to me?" he asked. At her nod he continued. "I was bitter for a long time, hell if I saw her today I'd be bitter again. I truly loved the woman... I loved her for as long as I could remember. We grew up together." He sighed and then shrugged. "I suppose in hindsight I can look back and see where the flaws were. The weaknesses; both hers and mine. But, while we were together, I was blind by her beauty, and the feeling that this was my future. I figured after the war I'd buy a nice farm- not too close to the city, yet not too far- we'd have babies, and live good lives."

"Nice dream." She said wryly.

"Aye, I should've known it was just that when she wanted me to fly for the Alliance. After all they'd done to our planet; friends and family…No… if I ever see her again, I might have to reconsider not throttling her wicked neck. I could have dealt with her betrayal of me, but turning on Merry? No." His handsome face fell into a grimace. "After all she's the one who ultimately put Merry in Womack's line of sight."

Zoë stared at him in disbelief. "Womack?"

Sayer looked at her. "Aye. Busted down to Lieutenant after her first imprisonment."

"Ai ya (_damn_)!" she swore.

"Already driving my first officer crazy Wilde?" Mal said with a grin as he entered the cockpit.

Zoë turned to him abruptly. "The officer that had Meredith Wilde is Womack." When he stared at her blankly, "Dong ma (_understand_)?"

Mal sat down with disgust. "Gui (_hell_). It has to be the same one? You think?" At her look he nodded. Sayer continued to stare at the two hoping they'd enlighten him soon. "We've had to deal with Womack before." Briefly he gave Sayer an overview of the previous occurrence with their old war buddy Tracey.


	3. Chapter 3

They landed in New Thetus that evening with no incidents. Mal sent the majority of his crew off on various tasks. He, Sayer, and Zoë went to find the rendezvous point that Meredith had mentioned in her wave to Sayer. New Thetus wasn't a large colony, but it did seem more civilized than most of the similar colonies this far out. The crew of Serenity had never visited its port. It didn't take them long to find the bar which was the meeting point. Certainly not the nicest bar in town The Lost Treasure was crammed into a corner of a darker alley, and failed to live up its auspicious name. They stood near the door, but far enough off to the side to avoid traffic. This was where the instructions ended, and Sayer was at a lost as to how he would find Merry.

Meredith watched the three travelers approach the dingy bar and stop, stepping off to one side so as not to be in the way. Her vision was quite blurry, but she was almost positive the man in the middle was her cousin Sayer. If only she could hear the man's voice, then she could be sure. It looked like she would have to take her chances. She pulled the woolen cloak even tighter around her shivering body and stepped out of the shadows. Meredith hobbled forward as quickly as she could, though her progress was slow, her head was bent to face the ground. Her gait seemed to be that of an old woman.

"It's worried I am." Sayer's accent thickened with his concerns. He'd seen no sign of his younger cousin. "Perhaps we should go back to the ship."

The three turned to leave and Zoë seemed to be the only one who heard the choked sound coming from the bent figure making its way towards them slowly. Without thinking she reached out and stopped their new pilot. When he looked at her with startled eyes she nodded towards the cloaked figure. Sayer turned to the figure disbelief evident in his face. There was no way this could be Meredith. Still, it didn't hurt to be sure. "Is there something we can be helping you with Ma'am?"

A gasp escaped from the person before him and he heard a weakened voice. "Sayer, it is you. Ren ci de Shang di (_Merciful God_) …"

Sayer looked into the barely recognizable face of his cousin and felt burning rage building. "Oh sweet Merry, what have they done to ye?" Without waiting Sayer swept the frail woman into his arms and faced his friends.

"You can be putting me down Sayer Wilde." The woman admonished in a small voice.

"I'll not set you down until we're back on the ship." He said sternly, and the group headed back.

"We got a patient for you Doc." Mal said grimly. Fortunately, the rest of the group was in the process of unloading their purchases.

As soon as Sayer stepped into the ship River stood straight up and her mouth fell open in agony. "So much pain, how can we survive it? So many tears, not right so many tears. What if it floods?" River spoke abruptly; her voice was high pitched and almost wild with grief. Her body was rigid and stiff. "Broken soul and pieces are sharp enough to cut. They'll slice our wrists and we'll be carried away by the blood." Her eyes rolled back into her head, and she passed out. She would have hit the floor if not for Jayne catching her at the last moment.

Strangely at that same moment, a gasp broke out of Meredith, and her hands flew to her head. She too passed out; fortunately Sayer was still holding her.

Simon almost stopped, torn between his sister and the new patient obviously in serious need of medical attention.

"I got her Doc." Jayne grunted towards him and they made their way to the infirmary.

River woke to find Jayne sleeping in a chair near the cot she was lying on, and her brother working diligently on the girl the others had brought in. Her features weren't clear, and at first River thought it was her eyes. Then she realized that not only was the woman extremely dirty, but she was extremely bruised and bloodied. Right now Simon was worried that River was having a relapse. She knew in order for him to do his best work she needed to let him know she was okay.

"No relapse." she said softly and saw his shoulders relax. "Her pain so close to the surface. Been through a thousand kinds of hell like River." she added sadly.

"I know mei mei (_sister_)." he sighed.

"Simon." Kaylee whispered from the doorway. When he looked at her, "Is there anything I can do?"

"I need to get her clean Kaylee. Then I can get the extent of the damage and what I can do to fix it."

River and Kaylee set about bathing Meredith with soft sponges. Simon had medicated her and she didn't wake up during their ministrations. Jayne watched River's gentleness and went to find Malcolm. The Captain stood alone on the catwalks looking down on the cargo bay. Sayer was busy pacing below, and it was easy to see he was torn apart by the savagery inflicted on his kin.

"Mal, I gotta talk to ya. I know this ain't the best time, but I don't exactly know when that would ever come."

Mal rubbed his face with one hand and motioned Jayne to begin.

Jayne cleared his throat several times before beginning. When Mal started to look annoyed he figured he'd have to spit it out. "It's about River. She's gone crazy."

Mal snorted. "Jayne, she's always been crazy. That's like saying Kaylee's suddenly become cheerful, or Simon pompous. Actually though, I kinda thought she was settling down."

"No, no, see, she was, or at least seemed to be normalizing somewhat, but then last night, the girl went rutting mad. She stalked me, backed me into a corner and then…" Jayne looked around hesitantly to make sure no one else was listening. "Darn it Mal she kissed me."

Mal's face went slack jawed in shock, and then he started getting angry. "You sure it wasn't the other way around?" he managed through gritted teeth.

Jayne was gettin' angry himself. "How many times I said I don't kiss on the mouth?" he snapped. "No, that durned girl planted one on me before I knew what was what."

Mal stared at him blankly. It did seem out of character for Jayne to go for anything so intimate as a kiss. Especially with River. "She's gone crazy."


	4. Chapter 4

They had stripped Meredith down, and she lay on the gurney nude. The clothing she'd worn had been in tatters and had barely covered her. What normally would have been a body to make any woman envious was currently scarred, swollen, and bruised. Her pale blonde hair had been chopped haphazardly, and stuck out awkwardly around her normally heart shaped face. When they'd been open, her eyes had been too bloodshot and blackened for them to get a clear idea of what color they should be.

River now sat in a chair while Kaylee finished cleansing the woman, and Simon worked on her facial wounds. She addressed Simon abruptly, "Not a little girl anymore."

Simon tensed, not really knowing how this conversation had started.

"Been through a lot, seen a lot, and chronologically no longer a child, but an adult."

"Okay." He responded slowly.

"Having feelings, desires…needs."

Simon was quiet. He should have seen this coming. She was stabilizing, and it was only natural that as she became more stable she would also start to experience more normal emotions. "What are you trying to say mei mei?"

River looked at him out of her dark brown eyes, and he could see the hope in them. "Found someone to meet those needs. Want to pursue, but want your approval first."

Simon's mind worked furiously. Who could River have found to want a romantic involvement with? The only men on the ship were the Captain, the new pilot, and Jayne. He looked at Kaylee quickly and she gave a slight shake of her head to let him know she didn't know either. What should he do in this situation? He was at a loss. Should he have been expecting this? "Does this person return your feelings mei mei?" he tried for a start.

She giggled, and it worried him. "He's not sure. He's very confused. Scared. Never thought of me that way, and now he is and it worries him."

"O-kay." Simon said slowly.

"Kissed him."

This statement had Simon turning quickly to face her. It even startled Kaylee. "Who did you kiss mei mei?"

"Jayne." She smiled.

Simon felt a slight sinking in his stomach. Kaylee's mouth gaped open in surprise. He should have known. She'd always seemed to have some pull towards the mercenary. Even from the beginning. Parts of him wanted to scream HELL NO and run from the room, and a part of him wanted to laugh at what he could imagine the look on Jayne's face was when she had kissed him. Simon sighed.

"Jayne is perfect for River." She stated simply. "Strong, brave, confident, knows her, knows what she needs to exist, almost understands her. Permission?"

"Perfect?" he echoed in disbelief. "Are we talking about the same man who tried to sell us out? The same man who's always trying to get rid of us?"

"Hasn't for a long time. Only did it before out of fear." She continued stubbornly. "Permission?"

Later that evening the crew met in the galley of Serenity. Simon was tired and grim. The damage to Sayer's cousin was extensive and he didn't look forward to sharing it all. He knew he'd have to though. Even now the bigger man was looking at him expectantly.

"She's in bad shape." He started off.

Sayer stood quickly. "Is she gonna be all right?"

Simon answered just as quickly. "Yes, I believe we got her in time, but it is bad."

"Just tell us Doc." Zoë interjected calmly.

"I don't know how much facial scarring she'll have. Right now she has major contusions around both eyes, nose, mouth, and cheekbones. One of her eardrums was burst by a hard hit. I don't know if that will permanently affect her hearing on that side or not. She has cracked ribs on both sides, and somewhere along the line her clavicle was snapped, and is healing wrong so I'll have to fix that. Her left shoulder was dislocated, as well as her left knee. From those dislocations and some of the abrasions I think she was dragged behind something."

"A vehicle like the mule." River supplied sadly. She could see the horrible incident in her head.

Simon nodded, "That would make sense. Honestly, I don't know how she's alive, much less walking and talking. There's obviously old scarring underneath the new wounds, which isn't surprising knowing he had her before. Luckily, and miraculously as far as I'm concerned, I haven't found any signs of internal bleeding."

"I'm gonna go sit with her." Sayer spoke softly, and left the galley slowly.

Shortly after the rest of the crew went their separate ways. Except for Mal and Simon. Neither one realized that the other had something to say.

"Captain, I have something to talk to you about."

Mal sighed. "Seems a lot of my crew's doing that lately."

"River has asked permission to pursue Jayne."

"Ain't that just the thing? Jayne was telling me she forced him into a corner and planted a liplock on em." Mal asked wryly. The two men looked at each other for a moment and then both burst out laughing.

"You don't think he'll hurt her do you? I mean emotionally?" Simon asked a bit anxiously once they'd caught their breath.

Mal wiped the tears off his face. "No, I think out of it all Jayne has no idea what to make of the girl, and now he's intrigued. We'll just keep an eye on them both."

Meredith woke slowly. Every inch of her body ached, yet it wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been. It took her a moment to realize that was because she had been bathed. The itchiness and grime was gone. Her vision was still very blurry from lack of nutrition, and two black eyes that were still swollen and split. A sigh escaped when she realized Sayer was next to her.

"Nian qing de (_Young one_) …" he spoke softly.

"Oh Sayer thank the gods ye came." she managed to whisper between dried, cracked lips.

"You're safe now lass. Safe."

"I'm sorry. So sorry."

"Stop it love." he soothed.

"He'll come after us." she sobbed.

"Merry, I want you to meet my friends. We're going to make sure you get to Grandmother. Safe and sound." Sayer stood and motioned for the crew to come in. He introduced each member in turn, with the only exception being River who hadn't come down.

"I thank ye all." she sighed. Her voice was cracking as if rusty with disuse, but she spoke in the same cadence as her older cousin. The same musical accent fell from her lips making it a pleasant sound.

"You need to get some rest now." Simon spoke softly so as not to spook his patient.

"Aye, I'm very tired." She doubted she'd remember any of their names. She could barely see, and was at the point of exhaustion. "I feel like I've been on the run for weeks instead of days. After the last beating, I knew I had to get out or he'd kill me."

"You'll get plenty of rest now love." Sayer smoothed the chopped up hair away from her face. River entered the room, and Meredith's attention was drawn to her instantly.

River walked softly, her eyes never leaving the other girl.

Meredith tried a smile, but it was almost a grimace. "Hullo little sister." River cocked her head in slight confusion, and the rest of the crew hung on every word. "Have you never met another?"

"Don't remember. Maybe…"

"Well, ye have now."

"Ms. Wilde, are you saying you're a…. a Reader?" Simon asked astonished.

"Did Sayer not tell ye? No, I suppose he wouldn't of. So protective." she sighed and squeezed her cousin's hand slightly. She tried to focus. "I've always called myself intuitive. It isn't that I can always tell the future. I certainly can't, otherwise I could have avoided a lot of pain. I feel emotions of others. Sometimes I can tell what they're thinking, or going to do. It doesn't work with everyone though. Some people have natural walls. Sometimes, well, sometimes I can see something's going to be happening."

"She inherited the gift from our Grandmother Carys." Sayer explained. "Soon we'll have you back with Grandmother, and she can keep you safe." he comforted his cousin.

She slept shortly after with Sayer clutching her hand.

After everyone else had left Simon approached the big man. "Sayer, I didn't want to say anything with the others around, but there's more to your cousin's injuries."

Sayer looked up at him for a moment, and then looked away. "He used her poorly didn't he? Abused her in unseemly ways?" Sayer struggled with the words.

"I'm afraid so."

Sayer brushed the hair off the sleeping woman's forehead. "Oh Merry." He whispered. "To have to go through that again after all these years."

Simon left as tears ran down Sayer's face silently.


	5. Chapter 5

Mal sat in his bunk staring at the ceiling. It had clutched at him some to see the girl that beaten; reminded him of his and Wash's experience with Niska. He knew how it felt to be tortured, for that was surely what had happened to the girl.

It also gave him some idea of what River might've been like had she not been cut apart. He snorted; two Readers on one ship. Only for awhile though.

Thinking of River led him to consider the girl and his mercenary. Jayne had been beyond confused in their earlier conversation. If the man knew that Simon had given his sister permission to pursue the merc he'd probably lock himself into his bunk. The thought brought a smile to Mal's face. They'd keep an eye on the two for awhile, but Mal was pretty sure that whatever that little girl wanted, she'd end up getting.

Mal stripped his shirt off and tossed it towards the small basket where he kept his laundry. He stretched his aching muscles and caught a glimpse of himself in the faded mirror tacked to the wall. You're getting' old Reynolds, he thought to himself, old and battle scarred. Probably best that Inara never got that close. Wouldn't have been right, someone so perfect being with someone as flawed as him, no, t'wouldn't have been right at all.

River snuck quietly into the infirmary. Funny, she used to fear it so much, but really it wasn't so bad now. It didn't make her sick like it used to. The woman lay sleeping with a blanket tucked around her. She looked so innocent; fragile. Like one of those delicate flowers where if you touch them they bruise. Someone had done a lot of touching. She sat on the chair that the new man had sat in earlier. River liked him. He was nice. Big, and warm, and mostly gave off good emotions. He was nice to Zoë, who still hurt so much; he was good for Mal who seemed to be coming out of his depression; most importantly though, he didn't think she was crazy. He looked at her and saw his cousin.

"That means somethin' to ya?" Meredith whispered and turned to face the younger woman.

River jolted. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"Don't worry so little sister." The blonde woman sighed in exhaustion.

"Why do you call me that?"

"Well, aren't we that?" Meredith inquired. "You and I have the same special something running through us, which link us together, just as surely as your blood links you to Simon. Perhaps we weren't born to the same family Darlin', but we are family."

River thought about this statement. It seemed to make sense, even though it was illogical. "Can you help me control it?"

Meredith seemed to consider the question for several moments. "Aye, I think I could. Perhaps when I'm feelin' a little better we can work on it. At least until I get to my Grandmother."

Sensing that the other woman didn't want to be alone, River started chatting about the crew telling her of all of their adventures since she and her brother had joined them. Even when Meredith went to sleep River continued to speak. Somehow she knew it helped the other woman.

Days passed with Meredith spending the majority of her time in the infirmary. Simon was startled to see her healing so quickly. Already the major bruising on her face had faded quickly. The burst ear drum was almost healed as well, and it appeared that the scarring on Meredith Wilde's face was minimal. All of her wounds seemed to be experiencing accelerated healing and Simon couldn't find any reason to account for it. Surprisingly, everything was recovering quite nicely. He couldn't be more pleased.

She also seemed to be spending a lot of time with River, or vice versa he supposed. River seemed drawn to the blonde woman. Simon didn't know if anything was progressing in her pursuit of Jayne, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but he did know his sister seemed happy; happier than he'd seen her in a very long time.

Meredith had been on Serenity for two weeks. She stared at the floor of the cargo bay from the catwalks and sighed. Two more weeks and she'd be with her Grandmother. Two more weeks until she was with Nova again. She was looking forward to it. Surprisingly, the ship didn't bother her. She felt at peace on board even though she'd only taken to leaving the infirmary the past two days.

"Is that my shirt?"

Merry turned to find the Captain looking at her with a slightly surprised look on his face. "I didn't filch it. Zoë brought it to me." She explained trying to ignore the sick feeling at being alone with a man.

Mal saw the fear enter her eyes and he took a step back hoping to reassure her. "Just surprised me is all. It's fine." He had been surprised to see her in his shirt, but what had really startled him was the drastic change in her appearance. With the swelling and discoloration gone Mal could see that Meredith Wilde was indeed a beautiful woman. Even with the slight scar on her cheekbone under her left eye.

"If you'd rather I stay in the infirmary I can."

"No. No reason for that. Glad to see you up and about." he said sincerely. "Anything you need?"

"A new body." she said with a grin.

Mal grinned back. "I know the feelin'."

"I imagine you do. Our River was telling me of your time at the hands of a man named Niska."

Mal sobered, "Don't think about it much."

"No, I don't suppose it would be wise to." she sighed and looked back to the floor. "I apologize for being wary around you and your men. I wasn't always so untrusting. Before Womack I was just the opposite. All of Sayer's friends were like brothers to me. I'd thought I'd be able to put all of it behind me the first time I was freed. But then he found me again, and this time I was fully punished for my leaving before."

"No apologies necessary. I'm thinking' with all you been through, it's certainly understandable." Mal said finding himself staring into eyes an unusual shade of deep purple.

"If he finds me again I'm not thinking I'll survive his actions."

"Even if that man manages to track you down he won't get his hands on you again." Mal told her vehemently.

Merry looked at the man her cousin was so fond of. "You're a good man Malcolm Reynolds. It's glad I am that Sayer will be flying for you." He seemed about to respond when a queer look came over her face. "He's needin' you in the cockpit Captain, hurry now there are problems that are needin yer attention." She turned and sped as fast as she could back to the infirmary.

Mal turned and hurried to the cockpit to find Sayer and Zoe cursing. "What's happening?"

"We seem to be losing power in the thermal propulsion fan. It's causing us to show some overheatin'." Sayer said grimly. "Which means we're going to be puttin' off too much radiation soon."

"Kaylee's trying to fix it, but so far no luck." Zoë added. "I think we should land Captain."

"I'm tendin' to agree." he said hearing the cursing escaping his pilot. "Set her down as soon as possible." Mal picked up the intercom and addressed the crew. "We're setting down, might be a bumpy landing, so hang on." It didn't strike him until later how he'd just taken what Meredith Wilde said as fact. She'd been right after all.

The set down was bumpy, but they landed with minimal damage, and Kaylee set to working on the problem. The planet they'd landed on was home to the Apollo colonies. Mal and his crew had only been to the planet once or twice, but they were friendly enough folk, and seemed to be in the middle of a festival. It appeared that other ships had docked as well, and all seemed to be taking part of the party.

Mal gave Kaylee a reprieve and sent everyone out to enjoy themselves for the evening. Looking around he could see the tension on their faces, and knew they needed a break. He was heading down the catwalks when he came upon Sayer arguing with his cousin.

"Merry love, you can't just hide away on the ship all night. That black devil Womack isn't here. You're still a young girl."

"Am I Sayer? Am I still young? I don't think so." Deep sadness resonated through her heavily accented words. "No, I shan't be going to any party."

"Meredith Bridgid Wilde, you will go and dance and be happy tonight if I have to drag you out there meself."

"Am I interrupting something?" Mal's voice broke into the heated conversation. They looked at him with startled eyes. Sayer's expression was one of crankiness, while Meredith had an extremely stubborn look in her eyes.

"I was just trying to get Merry to join us." Sayer sighed.

"And I was just explaining to Sayer that I wouldn't be leaving the ship." She folded her arms over her chest, and her pretty face set into grim lines.

Mal looked at the two of them, and then grinned reasonably at Meredith. "Well of course you are." Her eyes narrowed at him. "I ordered the crew to attend the festivities. Until we drop you off, you're part of this crew." When Sayer started to look smug, Mal turned to him. "Sayer shouldn't you already be gone?"

"You're a brave man Malcolm." Sayer murmured. Sayer threw a glance at his cousin, turned, and left the ship leaving Mal to face Meredith.

Meredith placed her hands on her hips and glared at Mal. "And what if I'm not wanting to go to the festivities?'

"Well of course you do." Mal told her and took her elbow leading her down the stairs. "Who wouldn't? You've been cooped up on the ship for two weeks, same as the rest of us. Do you some good to get out."

"You've quite the high handed manor now don't you Captain Reynolds?"

Mal shrugged. "I am what I am, and what I am is the Captain. 'Sides, you bein' a Reader and all, shouldn't you've already known that one?"

Meredith stopped in her tracks and looked at him curiously. "Actually no. For some reason I'm not able to read you at all."

Mal looked at her just as intrigued. "Interesting." He didn't let go of her arm until they were off the ship and then he felt the anxiety emanating off of her. "You just stay with the crew and everything'll be shiny, trust me."

"And what if they aren't?" she whispered and her fear was easy for him to see now.

"Well then, if'n something were to happen, or you were to get some unwanted attentions myself, Jayne, Sayer, hell, even Zoe, Simon, River, or Kaylee'd step in to help ya." They stopped moving and Mal looked down into Meredith's eyes. "You aren't alone here Meredith. We're all here with you." He took a moment to look her over and realized she was in one of River's dresses. "Well now, you look mighty pretty tonight."

She gave him a disbelieving glare. "Really Captain, there's no need to be lyin'. I know quite well what I look like." She took a deep breath and looked forward. "Perhaps once long ago, before….everything I was pretty, but that was all changed."

Mal could see the fine tremble, and heard the fear in her voice. There was also a deep sorrow. Sometimes it was hard to remember how wounded she was when her physical wounds were healing so quickly. Meredith Wilde's injuries were deep. "You'll be with us and you'll be safe. I promise." He said softly. Mal held out his arm and she took it hesitantly.

It took quite a bit of control but Meredith made herself meet his gaze. She saw understanding and gave a sharp nod. "Well, if the Captain insists." She said faintly and swallowed her worries.


	6. Chapter 6

It seemed that Apollo colonies were mostly made up of farmers and some miners. Everyone was friendly

and the crew of Serenity made their way down to the bonfire quickly. Meredith could only stare at the

large groups of people laughing, talking, eating, drinking, and dancing. All of her senses opened and

were flooded with positive emotions. Surprisingly enough she wasn't getting any hostility from these

people.

She walked slightly ahead of Mal, and smiled briefly at Zoe as said woman moved back to talk to her

captain. A large bear of a man approached her with two mugs. "Well hello there Lovely." he smiled charmingly.

Meredith felt the fear instantly, but held herself from running. None of the man's thoughts were in any way

violent. "Hullo." she responded shyly.

"The name's Canton; Canton Reeves. I'm Mayor of this here town, Apollodowns." He continued to smile though his

eyes had narrowed slightly. "I must say Ol' Mal's getting some high class crew members if you're anything to go by."

"Oh, I'm just a passenger for a little while. I'm Merry." some of her nerves left her. "But every member of his crew is nothin' but the

best."

"True true girl." Canton chuckled. He handed her one of the mugs. "Here, have a drink of Apollan Ale. It's not too strong,

but definitely smooth and tasty. Go, meet everyone and have a fabulous time."

"I thank ye kindly." she graced him with one more smile and moved past sipping the drink slowly. He was right, it was

definitely good.

Mal watched as Merry moved away from Canton and felt himself relax. Not that he had any problems with the man, but he hadn't

known how Merry would react seeing as Canton was a huge man. "Canton, how ya been?"

The mayor clapped a beefy paw on Mal's shoulder. "Good, good. We've been doing real well for ourselves out here Reynolds. It

looks like your crew's been doing well also?"

"As good as we can." Mal answered.

Canton's voice turned gruff. "Know you lost some of your people a ways back, real sorry to hear. Always liked your boat and its crew."

"'Preciate that Canton." Mal swallowed thickly.

Canton's eyes had moved back to Merry. His voice softened, "That there girl's been wounded fierce Reynolds."

"How can ya tell?" Mal knew Canton was a good judge of character, but still the man's words startled him some.

"A while back a ship landed to do some tradin'; while here one of their members raped O'Malley's oldest girl. I seen that same

trapped look in Greta's eyes that's in your Merry's eyes. Like a beaten dog."

Zoe was the one to respond. "She was hurt bad, but we're takin care of her now." Zoe smiled as she saw River giggling and dancing

around Merry and Sayer. "We got a habit of takin in strays."

&&&

As the evening wore on Merry was startled that there were no fights or arguments. Everyone was letting off steam, but it was all good natured.

"Well now, that's a mighty pleasant ya got on yer face right now."

Merry looked to see Captain Reynolds next to her drinking out of a large mug. She'd been drinking the brew the entire evening and though not drunk

she definitely felt a nice buzz. "It's so different here. There's so little anger."

"Guess it's been awhile since you've been some place like that."

"Aye." she agreed faintly. It seemed like she was about to say something else when River came running up.

"This song!" the girl said excitedly. "Dance with me! Float on the air like blossoms blowing in the breeze?"

Merry looked into the girl's big brown eyes and couldn't tell her no. This sweet girl who spent time with her. Merry had a feeling that River was

a big reason she was still sane. "Alright luv. Let's dance."

The music was airy and light, not Mal's normal taste. Too pretty, too sweet. Mal moved over to sit with the others who were eating and

drinking. The two women were moving to the melody, and Mal found himself speechless. It was as if they moved as one being. Each step was fluid; each dip pure grace. The white gown which hugged Meredith's body made her look like an angel. Fury boiled for a moment as he wished he could destroy Womack for the damage he'd done to the girl.

Jayne watched River and found he could barely swallow. The silky red dress she wore swirled and flowed around her body; the white of Meredith Wilde's dress only emphasized the darkness of River's hair. What had the gorram girl done to him? he wondered frantically. He found himself wanting her with a powerful passion, and no whore on any world was gonna be able to quench that.

"She's beautiful." Zoe murmured to Sayer. The man stood straight and looked at the two dancing girls with pride.

"They both are." he responded. "It's a powerful magic seeing Merry dance again. And knowing River helped bring that to her, well, makes me love the girl as if she was kin."

"She'll be okay Sayer." Zoe told him. "She's strong. Real strong. She'll fight through the memories, and maybe she won't be what she was, but she'll be okay."

"Thank you Zoe. It's kind yer being." he told her. Sayer leaned down, clasped one of Zoe's hands in his and kissed the back lightly. "Thank you."

All she could do was nod. He let her hand drop, and they stood quietly. Zoe's heart clenched as she realized her hand tingled where his lips had touched.


	7. Chapter 7

The crew of Serenity made their way back to the ship well past midnight. Merry could hardly believe her happy spirits. Everyone had seemed to have such a good time. Not one person had made any untoward advances and she'd felt good all night. Dancing with River had been like a dream, and Merry couldn't remember the last time she'd had such fun.

Everyone moved to their various bunks with light hearts. The next day would dawn brightly, and with it they would have to get to work fixing the ship and continuing on to Sayer and Meredith's grandmother in the Vesper Colonies.

Jayne stopped in the kitchen to grab a glass of water before making his way down to his bunk. He was humming lightly to himself when he hit the floor. He closed and locked his latch, took a swig of water, and turned to face his bunk while stripping off his shirt. When he opened his eyes he almost shrieked, but caught himself in time. "What in gorram hell do ya think yer doin in my bunk girl?"

River sat on his bed with her back against the wall. She still wore the red silky dress and her hair hung loosely on either side of her face and down her back. "Didn't want to be alone." She said simply.

"But…but…"

She looked at him from under his eyelashes. "Neither did you." River scooted to the edge of the bed and stood. She moved towards the mercenary and he backed up. "Did you like my dance?" she whispered as he stood very still. She circled him and ran a hand along his back. He jumped slightly as flesh connected. "It was for you."

"Why you doin this girl?" he muttered as he slowly lost the little will power he held.

She stopped back in front of him and smiled up into his face. "Jayne is perfect."

He snorted. "Far from it."

River shook her head. "Strong…Brave…Cunning…Attractive." She leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Jayne can make me feel good."

The last pretense of will power fell away and Jayne grabbed the girl by the shoulders. He looked into her dark brown eyes once before claiming her mouth with his own. He knew his the kiss was rough, but she didn't seem to care as she met his lips with as much abandon as he was showing. She rubbed her body against his and his arms circled her small waist. His hands ran up her back and were swallowed in the tendrils of her wild hair. River's hands moved hotly over his chest and biceps. Jayne moved towards his bed and River moved with him. Slow, he told himself, steady now. He wasn't going to push her away, he didn't have the strength for that, but he knew this would be a new experience for her, and as much as he wasn't a gentle man he knew he needed to try for her.

Jayne slowed the kiss and it took on a gentle quality. She seemed confused by it and whimpered slightly. "Just breathe." he murmured and ran his hands down her sides gently. She broke away from him and stared up into his eyes. Hers were half closed with desire and her mouth was swollen from his kisses. Jayne pulled the dress up and over her head. It almost undid him to see her nude before him. When it seemed like she would be shy and cover herself, Jayne moved and placed his lips against her shoulder. River threw her head back at the sensation of his mouth moving against her flesh. She moved her hands down and began to unbuckle his pants. "You sure about this lil girl?" he asked shakily.

"Beyond sure." she told him honestly. "You're perfect." His pants dropped to the floor and he inched forward until she lay down upon the bed.

It only took him moments to remove his boots and then step out of the last remnants of clothing. He crawled onto the bed until he lay stretched out beside her. He took several minutes to run his hands along her naked body and watched as her flat belly quivered at his touch. "Kiss me?" she pleaded.

Not once did it enter his mind to deny her. Not once did the fact that he'd always stipulated no kissing on the mouth enter his mind. He kissed her and then moved until his body covered hers. Her legs spread of their own accord and very slowly he entered her willing body. There was only a moment of resistence and then he was inside of her and they both adjusted to the feeling. It didn't take long for Jayne to begin moving in and out of River's body. Their hands moved over each other of their own accord, and as they came close to their fulfillment their eyes met, and then their lips met. Their orgasms crashed over them both and their cries were swallowed by a deep kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

It didn't take long for Meredith to inventory the galley. She'd woken up feeling good that morning. She was pretty sure she was the first one up besides Sayer who was currently in the cockpit, and Kaylee who was working on the engine and other mechanical parts Merry didn't know much about.

Upon waking up with a smile on her face she'd decided to fix breakfast for the crew. It was the very least she could for the people who'd already done so much for her. She'd been cooking for about half an hour when Mal stumbled in. "Is that coffee I'm smellin?" he mumbled in a surprised voice.

"Indeed it is Captain Reynolds." she told him in a jaunty voice. "If you'll have a seat I'll bring ya a cup. Breakfast'll be ready in just about two shakes."

Mal took a seat and looked at Merry as she moved gracefully around the small kitchen area. "You seem mighty cheerful today." he commented.

She bestowed a smile on him that had him catching his breath for a moment. "Aye, I must admit, I do feel good today. It won't be long until I'm with me Grandmother Carys, and my Nova. That'll be a fine day."

"I can imagine."

"Have ye ever been to the Vesper Colonies?"

"Can't say as I have." he told her as he sipped the cup of coffee she'd put in front of him. It was darned good.

Meredith took a seat at the table and stared off into nothing with a dreamy smile. "The moon Grandmother Carys lives on is made up of mostly farmers. It's green and the earth is a rich brown. There are plenty of water sources. It's always been a soothing place."

"It sounds right nice." he murmured.

She stood and sighed. "Aye it is. Not much longer ti we're there either." Meredith walked over to the intercom on the galley wall. "Breakfast is ready friends." she announced. The others came straggling in and sat down to eat the meal she put before them.

It didn't go unnoticed that River sat next to Jayne, nor did it go unnoticed that he didn't seem at all worried or upset about it, but everyone kept their own counsel. It was one of the first meals where the conversation wasn't strained. Everyone added their own bits, and there was much laughter. For a few minutes it made Mal feel as if everything was alright in their world.

"How's the engine comin' Kaylee?" he asked at the end of the meal.

She smiled at him. "Actually it's going good Captain. Sayer came and helped for a little while and we got quite a bit done."

"I didn't know you was mechanically inclined Sayer?"

"Only a wee bit Malcolm." Sayer grinned. "Not nearly as much as your Miss Frye."

"Anything to get us movin' again." Mal smiled.

"I expect we should be able to take off some time this evening Captain." Kaylee assured him.

While everyone made their way off into different directions, Zoe stayed with Meredith. "You surely don't have to help." Meredith protested as Zoe began to stack the dishes in the small sink.

"I don't mind." the other woman told her quietly. "I was actually hoping you'd do me a favor today Meredith. It's not an easy one for me to ask though..."

Meredith stilled. "I'll do it." she said softly. Zoe turned startled eyes onto the blonde. "Yer wantin' me to talk to Greta O'Malley...about what happened to her. Yer thinkin' that perhaps I'll be able to get through to her when no one else has." Meredith started to dry her hands. "I'll do it not only because she's the daughter of yer friends, but I'll do it because no one was there to do it fer me the first time."

"Thank you. Guess I forgot you were a reader."

"There's no thanks necessary Zoe. The lessons I learned at the hands of Jonah Womack weren't easy, they were beyond hard, but I won't let them be in vain...I'll go speak with her now."

Meredith took a deep breath and left the room heading for the ramp of the ship. Mal was standing talking to Jayne as she walked past. "Where ya goin'?" he asked.

"Just into town. Somethin I have ta do. Is there anything anyone needs while I'm there?"

The two men shook their heads in unison bringing a faint smile to her face. She left the ship and they watched in silence. "That was mighty odd." Jayne murmured. "Didn't seem like she'd be one to go off by herself."

"No, she doesn't does she?" Mal turned and headed for the kitchen. He found Zoe cleaning up. "What happened that sent Meredith Wilde into Apollodowns?"

Zoe sighed and turned to him. "She's going to talk to Greta O'Malley."

"Why?"

"Because maybe she can help her..."

Mal stared at her blankly and then it hit him. Didn't seem right sending her off to talk to strangers about something so horrible that had happened to her. He turned and left the ship heading in the direction that Meredith had taken.

Zoe sighed and hung her head.

"Ye didn't do wrong lass." Sayer's voice came from the left.

"Mal seems to disagree."

"Meredith would want to help if she could. And mayhap it'll help her to get her own tale off her shoulders."

"I can't begin to imagine what's they've gone through."

"No, you wouldn't be able to. Each one of you has your own strengths. You had to survive losing your life. Yer partner, the man you would spend the rest of yer life with. I think Meredith would say she couldn't imagine going through that." Sayer said logically. "Yet you've both survived. I think you understand Merry much more than you think you do."

&&&

Merry got into town and it didn't take her long to find the O'Malley house. She'd met the father, Burton O'Malley, the evening before, and now he stood talking to Canton Reeves in the front yard. "Well hello there Meredith." Canton greeted her warmly.

"Hullo Mayor Reeves." she responded.

"What are you doing this fine day?"

"Actually sir, I was hoping I could spend some time with Greta?" She looked to both men.

Canton smiled and Merry saw relief enter the eyes of Burton. "Of course." the man told her. "She's right out back doing the wash."

Merry nodded to both men and walked back to join the girl who was just older than River. "Hullo." she said to the other girl.

The girl was pretty with short black hair and brown eyes. Merry could imagine that at one time the girl was even lovelier, but the actions of some bastard had taken the shine from her eyes and added weight to her shoulders making them droop. "Hello." the girl whispered as she scrubbed at stains.

"I'm Meredith. My friends call me Merry."

"I'm Greta."

"Aye, I know, and it's a lovely name." Merry told her. "Would you like to sit with me for a few minutes Greta?" She did but she held herself stiffly. Merry stared off into the forest area that backed the O'Malley home. "I know you don't know me Greta, and I'm truly sorry for causing you any discomfort, but I was hoping I could help you."

"What can you help me with?" the girl asked. At Meredith's silence the girl smiled somewhat bitterly. "Oh, That. No one can help me with that."

"Perhaps no one can make it go away, or make it so it never happened, but there is help for it." Merry shared. "I know."

"What do you mean you know? How could you..." the girl trailed off as she realized what Merry was saying. She looked horrified.

"I was eighteen when I was taken prisoner by the Alliance. I was held and questioned for six months, and then my Grandmother paid the fines and I was supposed to have been set free. There was an officer, he'd decided I was his. He didn't let me go." Merry ran a hand through the soft dirt. "I remember the first time he took me. I'd never been with anyone before. It was horribly painful, and he took pleasure in that. He held me for two years, and during that time he took me many times. I remember when I finally escaped all I wanted to do was die."

"But you didn't?" the girl whispered tearfully.

"Oh no, me family wouldn't let me die. And then I found I had many reasons to stay alive."

"Was this recent?" Greta asked fingering one of Meredith's lingering scars.

"No. See, he found me again." Merry turned and met the girl's eyes. "Three months ago. I was free for three years. Three months ago he found me. I was punished severely for leaving him the first time. Punished in many, many ways. But I got away again. And me cousin and his friends came fer me."

"My Da and brother found me." the girl whispered.

"Yer a brave, strong girl Greta O'Malley. Do not let this be the end of yer life. There are many happy times to come fer you."

"How can you still feel that way after what happened to you?"

"How can I not? I'm here aren't I? I'm free again and I'm alive. That means I won, not him. I won by surviving him."

"But no one will ever want me I'm dirty." the girl broke down into sobs.

Meredith pulled the girl up against her and wrapped her in her arms. "Oh Darlin' yer not dirty. Abused, aye, but never dirty. Yer not ruined, yer not destroyed. Shall I tell ye a secret?" Greta nodded against Meredith's shoulder. "Well, ye might not believe me, but I've seen yer future, and it holds many wonderful years. A wonderful husband, and beautiful children. Ye've got a wonderful life ahead of ye Greta. I promise ya."

"Are you a reader?" the girl asked through widened eyes.

Meredith winked. "Our little secret." Greta nodded. "Now, I'd better be off back to the ship before me cousin starts to worry. Ye know how those menfolk can be."

The two women stood and embraced. "Thank you Merry." the girl said shyly.

Merry kissed the girl's forehead and turned away. She walked back to the front of the house to see Malcolm Reynolds sitting on a stump waiting for her. "Are ye following me now Captain?" Mal looked up at her with dark eyes. "Ah, so I see yer ears are still working quite fine."

"Thought you might be likin an escort back to Serenity." he said hoarsely.

"That I would." she told him and they walked in silence.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Made up the card game.**

"I want ye to relax. Sit and think of something that always made ye happy when ye were a little girl." Merry's voice was soothing as she and River sat cross-legged facing each other in the infirmary. "Are ye there?"

River's breathing was even, "Yes. It's when Simon and I were little and we used to play in our tree house."

"Good, that's good. Focus on that pure feeling of joy. Now picture yourself alone in that treehouse. There are no doors, no windows, just you." Merry murmured. "It's not scary; in fact it makes you feel secure; safe. It's like your own private, secret place that no one can breach. This is the place where you'll pour all of your ability. This is the place where you'll lock it all away."

A smile had crossed River's face. "Yes, then it won't come out to play all of the time."

Now it was Merry's turn to smile. "Exactly little sister, exactly. But this place is even more special than you know."

"Why?" River asked with utter fascination.

"Because with a thought, almost like the flick of a switch, you can open this place and let the ability out, and when you're done it goes right back in." Merry told the girl. "You'll have the power when you need it, but not when you don't."

River sighed sadly and opened her eyes, drawing Merry's attention immediately. "I don't think I can do that."

Merry reached out and grasped River's hand. "You'll be able to one day…you just have to practice. One day the power will be there, and it'll be there constantly, but not riding you like it does now. It'll be there in the back of your mind, like white noise. These exercises now, aren't to rid yerself of it, they're just to get yer mind accustomed to the noise." Merry squeezed the girl's hand. "Now, why don't you go and see what the others are up to. I think I'll sit for a few minutes and just relax."

River skipped off and Merry could only smile at the energy the girl seemed to have in abundance. Funny, River wasn't that much younger than Meredith herself, but Merry felt decades older. Merry lost herself in her thoughts and remembered the last time she'd been with her Grandmother. It had been a rough time. When she'd first broken away from Jonah she'd been on a self destructive path, then she'd found out about Nova and it had saved her. For almost two years she'd been truly happy. But then…

"What're ya doin here in the dark lass?" Her cousin's voice broke into her thoughts.

Merry looked up to see Sayer frowning. "I'm just thinking." She told him solemnly.

"And I can already tell they're not good thoughts." He chastised her lightly. "Come now. We'll be reaching Grandmother's in two days. Only happy thoughts to fill yer pretty head."

"Yer certainly full of something today Sayer Wilde." Merry couldn't help but laugh. "What're ya doin away from your cockpit?"

He grinned broadly. "River and Zoe have it well underhand. I was thinking perhaps you'd like to take some time and play a few hands of cards with me."

"Well, I think that would be lovely. And I can't imagine spending time with anyone else but my favorite cousin." She teased.

The two headed for the galley, and were laughing over a childhood memory when they entered. Mal and Jayne sat at the table cleaning their weapons. "Well, seeing those two heads laughing together is something to fear I'm thinkin'." Mal told the two.

"We're as innocent as babes in the woods Malcolm." Sayer teased his old friend. "We've come to take over part of the table there for a raring game of Chinshau Poker."

Meredith had gone about getting herself and Sayer drinks. "While I'm up would either of you gentlemen care for a beverage?"

"Would you like to join us?' Sayer offered. "Although, I must warn ye, Merry is quite the card sharp."

Meredith snorted. "Please, Just because I've got a bit of the natural talent for cards ye automatically suspect me of cheatin ya."

Jayne looked over at Mal and smiled in amusement at the two cousin's banter. "I wouldn't mind something to drink Ms. Wilde."

"Please now Mr. Cobb, ye should be calling me Merry or Meredith, Not Ms Wilde."

"Then it's Jayne for me." He responded.

Mal looked over as Merry poured another glass. "If yer sure you don't mind Meredith…"

"Not at all Malcolm."

"I wouldn't mind playing cards with ya." Jayne said and began putting his weapons and cleaning supplies away.

"I'm in." Mal agreed.

It wasn't long before Simon, Kaylee, River, and Zoe had joined the game and the group began playing with potato sticks. Surprisingly River was an excellent player, and the pile of potato sticks in front of her grew. The only other person to rival her in skill was Merry.

"Why should it surprise me that the two Readers are winning?' Jayne muttered good-naturedly, drawing a chuckle from the rest of the table.

"I don't know what yer talking about Jayne." Merry smiled devilishly. "River and I would never use our abilities to up our advantage!"

"We wouldn't?" the girl looked confused and it brought another round of laughter.

"River…" Merry began in a laughing tone, but suddenly she pitched forward and a keening wail rose from her lips.

River shrieked as well and reached out towards Merry, "Nooo…" the girl cried. "NO!"

Merry held her abdomen tightly and fell heavily to the ground. She began to convulse, and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Mal and Sayer were already on their knees next to her trying to hold her still. River, still screaming, moved to Merry's head and held it tightly as the other girl shook uncontrollably. Simon was pushing through trying to get to the woman. "Mal, Sayer, you have to let me through!" He shouted. "Kaylee, run, get the syringe gun off the med table. The bottle in it is a greenish color."

Kaylee was already running before he'd finished speaking.

"Jayne, I need you to take River." Simon ordered the merc. "Keep her close to Meredith, but just out of the way." Jayne didn't hesitate to do as the doctor told him. Simon met first Sayer's and then Mal's eyes. "We need to move her to the infirmary while keeping her as still as possible. After Kaylee brings me the syringe." He told them both calmly. Kaylee had just returned and handed Simon the item in question. He was pleased to see it was the right one. He shot the fluid into Meredith's arm quickly, and within seconds she was still and unconscious. "Okay, let's move her."

They moved quickly and had her in the infirmary in moments. Simon belted her down with the restraints on the sick bed, and looked up as Sayer made a noise in the back of his throat. "The restraints are only for her safety in case she has another seizure." He assured the man.

"What did ya shoot her up with?" Mal asked softly.

"It's an anti-seizure medication. We've used it on River a few times." Simon explained. "From what I can tell, at least from dealing with River in the past, Meredith just had a violent vision. " He turned to Sayer, "Has she ever had seizures in the past?"

"No, never."

River was sobbing quietly and looked at Simon. "River knows." She told him tearfully.

"Did you share the vision River?" Simon asked anxiously and worried for a moment that she herself might have a seizure.

"Someone close to Merry, someone close, great pain, great suffering. Not good Captain Daddy, not good." River said addressing Mal.


	10. Chapter 10

Mal and Zoe took care of the flying while Sayer sat vigil at Merry's bedside. Simon had done everything in his power and now it seemed that the girl was stable, but she was still unconscious. River had finally calmed down and had allowed Jayne to take her from the infirmary. Part of Mal wanted to think about that, but he just didn't have the strength for it currently. All he really knew is that something bad had happened...and they didn't know what it was yet.

The ship would be reaching the Vesper Colonies, and the Wilde's grandmother within the day, and now Mal could only hope that everything was okay. He didn't pray; prayin' was for fools, but he hoped. "You have any ideas on what happened down there Captain?" Zoe murmured.

"Not a clue Zoe, not a gorram clue." he responded.

"Can't see that it's gonna come to nothin good."

"Have to agree with ya there." he told her rubbing his hand over his face. ""You got things here? I'm gonna go check on Sayer." As soon as she nodded he was up and heading down to the infirmary.

Sayer sat silently staring unfocused at Meredith's pale hand. The good doctor had told him that Merry would be coming up out of the drugs soon, but he didn't know what type of reaction she'd have. She could have another seizure, behave perfectly normal, or something even worse could happen. Sayer heard someone in the doorway and turned to find Mal. "Hullo Malcolm." he spoke to his old friend softly.

"How you doin?"

"It's tired I am." Sayer told him with a wry smile. "And I'm not understanding why sweet Merry is the one to have to go through such trials."

"Does seem like it's mighty unfair."

"I see it in River too. Both young girls who'd done nothing to hurt a livin soul, yet they were the ones singled out." Sayer shook his head. "I could accept the atrocities happenin to meself. I was soldier, a man of war; I expected to be hurt, tortured...hell, perhaps even killed, but Merry...just a girl."

"Used to have a friend, a preacher man who rode on Serenity for a bit. He used to say that we were never given anything that we couldn't handle." Mal told Sayer. "I'm pretty sure he was talkin regardin God, but I never put much stock in that belief."

"Don't ya know," Merry's weary and slurred voice broke into the conversation, "That it doesn't matter what ye believe in Malcolm Reynolds, as long as ye believe."

Mal looked into her violet gaze and was startled. The words were almost exact to the last words Book had said to him. "Heard that before." he told her hoarsely.

"Merry, yer awake." Sayer kissed the girl's hand. "Praise all that's holy, yer awake."

"My body hurts." she murmured. "And me head feels like someone's been slammin a hammer into it."

"You gave us all a scare. Started shrieking like a banshee, and fell to the ground." Sayer informed her. "Then ye started to convulse. River told us ye'd had a vision of something bad happening to someone close to ye."

Merry's forehead wrinkled into a frown. "I don't quite remember. I remember pain, agony really. I remember hearing screams and pleas for mercy. Then nothin." She forced her body to relax. "It hurts to try to remember."

"I'm just glad yer awake and seem to be doin okay."

"I'm gonna go get the doc." Mal muttered and left the two to speak quietly. Once he'd located Simon and sent him to check on Meredith he headed back to the cockpit. Mal had a sinking in the pit of his stomach. For more than one reason.

&&&&

Jayne held River close to him in his bunk. It was odd. He'd never laid like this with someone; just to hold them. She slept in his arms with only a slight shudder running through her body occasionally. Jayne wondered if these feelings for the girl were making him soft. Nah, that couldn't happen. Jayne Cobb was not soft. He was just doin what needed to be done. He saw her eyes open and focus on the ceiling. "Ya okay?" he asked her gruffly.

"She's awake." River murmured. "Confused."

"Ms. Wilde?"

"Merry. She's awake. Doesn't remember." her body tensed slightly. "Doesn't remember, and that's good. Blood soaked into the soil but it won't make it fertile; it won't grow new crops...it won't bring back the dead. If one life is gone, killing another won't bring the first one back. He knew that before he started."

"Don't know what yer talking about girlie." he told her and moved a lock of hair from her cheek.

She focused on him. "Heartache ahead."

His arms tightened. "For us?" He didn't know if he meant the crew or himself and River.

"Not us." she denied. "Them"

Jayne knew it was wrong, but a small part of him couldn't help but just be grateful the heartache ahead wasn't for him.


	11. Chapter 11

Sayer sat in the cockpit of the ship with Zoe and Malcolm. They were approaching the Vesper Colonies and would be within sight of the landing strip attached to his grandmother's property within moments. Sayer was smiling as he picked up the visual and his smile fell away, and his face turned ashen. "Mother of all Gods." he murmured in a sickened voice.

Simon had given Meredith permission to get out of the infirmary bed, and she'd just entered the cockpit to hear Sayer's words. Mal, having already seen what his pilot saw moved to intercept the blonde woman. His arms wrapped around her and tried to block her view but it was too late. "Nooo!" She keened and went limp in his arms. Tears were already pouring down her face and while still conscious, he knew she was in shock.

"Sayer, you land Serenity." Malcolm barked in a military tone, snapping the other man back to himself.

The land belonging to Carys Wilde had been devastated. What once was a large manor house was now rubble and smoldering ruins. It reminded Mal of the destruction of Haven. Some bodies lay dead in different areas, but Mal couldn't tell how they'd died. Sayer landed and was moving past Malcolm and Merry before anyone could speak.

"Merry, you gotta stay here." Malcolm murmured. "I gotta go see what happened. I gotta make sure Sayer's not walking into an ambush." He didn't know if she heard him. She hadn't moved or made a sound since she'd cried out. Mal and Zoe left the cockpit.

"Kaylee!" Zoe called out as she and Mal were exiting the already opened ramp. "Go check on Merry in the cockpit. She's in shock. Something bad happened out there."

Mal spotted Sayer bending in the ruins. He rocked back and forth and tears streamed from his dark eyes. The pilot held an old woman in his arms. She was already gone. He looked up at Mal as the other man approached. "She's dead Malcolm. Dead. He killed her. An old defenseless woman."

"Gorram it Sayer I'm so sorry." Mal didn't know what else to say.

"Captain!" Kaylee came shrieking off the ship. "Zoe said Merry was in the cockpit but she ain't there. Can't find her."

Sayer dried his face. "I know where she'll be Malcolm." he said hoarsely. "I have ta check on her. Make sure she's okay. Make sure he's not waitin for her."

"Let's go."

The two men moved quickly and made their way to where the back of the house exited onto what was once a peaceful meditation garden. Meredith was on her knees. at a pile of upturned dirt. A grave marker was knocked over next to it. Her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs. Zoe stood several feet behind the girl looking lost. A hologram of a beautiful young girl child flickered on and off on the marker. It read Nova Wilde.

Sayer moved forward towards his cousin. Meredith looked at him through haunted eyes. "My child Sayer, that monster destroyed my child's resting place." she cried.

"I know Merry." he dropped to his knees next to her and pulled her to him.

"He killed Grandmother, and he destroyed everythin in his path. It's all meh fault." Guilt crushed down on her. "It's all meh fault. If I hadn't escaped he'd never have come here."

"Don't talk like that Merry." Sayer's voice was harsh.

"No, it's true! He came for me. And when I wasn't here yet, he killed them all. And he must've found out about my daughter." Merry plunged her hands into the hard dirt on the ground and screamed with anguish. "Go! You all need to go now! Leave me here, and let the monster have me."

"Yer being a fool." Sayer snapped. "I'll never leave ya here by yerself."

"Zoe, take Sayer somewhere else." Malcolm murmured to his first mate. She looked at him once and nodded. She walked to Sayer and held out a hand. "Sayer, go with Zoe. I want to talk to Meredith."

With much reluctance Sayer went with Zoe and they walked to where the others were congregating. Malcolm approached Meredith and crouched down. "Now you listen to me Meredith Wilde. Everything I've seen from you since you got on my boat tells me I'm not dealing with a coward. This is a rough spot. An evil spot done by an evil man, but you aren't so weak that you'd let that evil man win. You're gonna get up, we're gonna take care of the dead; take care of your grandmama, and we're gonna right this grave for your little girl. Then we're getting back on my boat and getting out of here. That's includin you. There'll be time to grieve when the bogeyman ain't tappin at our door."

Meredith stared into Malcolm Reynolds dark brown eyes and pulled strength from him. "Alright Malcolm Reynolds. I'll try my best."

It took all day but with everyone working they got Carys and her servants buried. They fixed the grave of Nova, and Malcolm was just grateful that Womack had left the body in the ground. He hadn't told them yet, but when he himself had been righting the little girl's marker he'd found a disc. He was sure it was some message from Womack, but he wanted to view it himself before letting anyone else see it. Mal knew one thing for certain. The next time he met Womack...the other man wouldn't leave walking; he'd be leaving in a body bag.


	12. Chapter 12

Merry sat in the galley staring off into nothing. They'd left the planet an hour before and so far everyone had left her alone. Even Sayer was off by himself dealing with his own grief. It was hard to believe her Grandmother was gone. She'd always played such a huge part of Meredith's life.

"Merry?" the hesitant voice came from the doorway.

"Come in Kaylee love." Merry murmured.

The redhaired girl entered the galley and took a seat at the table. "I'm real sorry about your loss Merry."

Merry smiled sadly. "I remember the first time I escaped from Jonah…Womack, I somehow made it home. I was bloodied and beaten and barely knew who I was. And I remember waking up, and seein' Grandmother's eyes staring down at me. I knew then that I was safe. She was a special woman."

"I don't remember my grandparents." Kaylee shrugged.

"She raised me and Sayer after our parents died. First Sayer's then my own. Had the patience of a Saint. She always told me I looked the spittin image of herself when she was my age. Same eyes…same abilities."

"She was a reader?" Kaylee asked with widened eyes.

Someone cleared their throat from the doorway, and the girls looked up to see Mal, Sayer, and Zoe standing on the edges. "Well come in. We won't bite." Merry scolded lightly. Jayne, River, and Simon were coming from the other direction. Looked like it was story time. Perhaps this was the best way to remember her Grandmother. Honor her with memories. "Aye, she was a powerful reader. River and combined times a hundred. Unless it came to herself. That was the only thing she was blind to. When I woke up that day hurtin and confused, she looked down at me and said Merry love, yer home…there'll be much more pain to come, but for now yer home and ye need to heal."

"I remember when I was ten years old. I'd skipped school to kiss Katie Buckett behind the barn…Grandmother was there before we'd even got there." Sayer reminisced. "She tanned my hide proper. And told Katie's parents. I never got the chance to kiss Katie."

"I barely remember that." Merry smiled. "I do remember you being sure that Grandmother had spies everywhere. When really, she just knew."

"She was quite sly, our Grandmother." Sayer murmured.

"When she told me that I was with child…I didn't want to believe her." Merry found herself looking at Mal whose gaze sat on her intently. "I didn't want any additional reminders of the devil. I wept, and wept. And finally, Grandmother told me that Nova would be an angel of a child, and that she was the one blessing to come from that horrible time. The day I first felt Nova move within me…I knew Grandmother was right. From the day she was born Nova was an angel."

"How did she die?" River asked.

Surprisingly no one admonished her. Meredith looked at River, and then down at the table. "When she was just turning three she got a burning fever. A wasting illness. There was no cure, no help to be had. I always thought that her death was the pain that Grandmother had foreseen…but then when I was on another planet bartering, he found me again. My Nova had been gone for six months."

"Did he ever know?" Zoe asked. "Did Womack ever know about your daughter?"

Merry didn't answer, just continued to stare at the table. Sayer spoke. "No. He never knew of her existence."

&&&

Mal sat in his cabin and stared at the view screen. He was about to view the disc left behind at the little girl's grave. He knew that this was something he'd probably have to share with his crew, but he wanted to look at it first. He pressed the necessary buttons and Womack's face filled the screen.

The man looked angry and unkempt. It appeared as though he hadn't shaved or bathed for days, and in the far edge of the screen was a whiskey bottle which was two thirds empty. _"Meredith, you'd better be the one watching this. This is your one chance to come back on your own. Consider this your warning. You're making me very angry. The old lady made me angry too. Wouldn't tell me where you were, who you were with…it's pissing me off Meredith…" _Womack took a swig of the whiskey and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. _"Found the girl's grave…was that my kid, or were you fuckin' every guy? You stupid bitch…"_ the man's face was turning red with anger. _"No whore treats me like this! No one! Where are you? Where the fuck are you?"_ Womack was screaming now and spittle was running down his chin. _"When I find you I'm gonna fucking kill you WHORE!"_ Womack went into a rage then knocking everything from the desk near him. Mal could hear the crash and then the disc went black.

The man had lost his mind. What little of it he'd had before. The man had been on the way out when they'd met during the Tracey incident. Mal felt a twinge. Womack must have had Merry in his possession during that time. If they'd taken him out and searched the ship, chances could've been that they'd have found her…Mal tried not to dwell on those thoughts. He tried not to dwell on the anger he felt burning through his body, or the small hint of pleasure he knew he'd feel if he broke Womack's neck with his bare hands. Mal tried to tell himself it was because Sayer was his friend…he tried to tell himself it was because Merry was part of his crew now. Mal ignored the part of himself that told him he was only fooling himself.


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith could feel the anger roiling off of the normally silent Captain Reynolds. It was a rare occasion that she was able to read anything off the man, now she could do nothing but feel his turbulent emotions. She continued to lie on her bunk and ponder her options. She'd expected that Jonah would have left some type of message for her at her Grandmother's but she'd found nothing, and no one had reported anything. Not that his destruction of and murder of her Grandmother hadn't been enough of a message. Her heart ached fiercely. It didn't matter if intellectually she knew it wasn't her fault…emotionally, her heart was telling her that Grandmother Carys would be alive now if she hadn't run away from Womack again. No, she'd expected he'd leave some video message, or letter reveling in his actions…why hadn't he? If someone had found something they'd have told her wouldn't they? Or they'd have told Sayer, and he'd have surely told her. Merry felt the spike in Malcolm's emotions again and dread pooled in her stomach along with a burning anger. No, only one person on Serenity would have thought to not tell her if they'd found anything. Before she could think better Meredith was up, off the bunk and climbing from her small chambers.

She managed to locate Mal easily in the galley as he was making enough of a racket to wake the dead.

Zoe stood off to the side with her arms crossed staring at her captain with raised brows. She didn't know what was wrong with the man but he was definitely in a mood. When Meredith came storming in Zoe figured it was about to get real interesting.

"And what in the name of Pete do ye think gives ye the right to withhold information from meh regarding me own personal life Malcolm Reynolds." She snapped.

Mal turned dark eyes on the blonde. "Don't rightly know what you're talking about." He muttered and went back to digging in the utensils.

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm speaking of so don't try to play that card with me. I want to see it."

This time he looked up at her and spoke clearly. "No idea what you're spoutin about woman. Can someone help me find a gorram fork around here?"

Zoe considered speaking up, but didn't know if she should seeing as she didn't know what they were really talking about. She did know that Meredith Wilde was beyond perturbed with the captain, and as she grew more irate, her accent grew heavier. Simon entered the kitchen and Zoe put a restraining hand on his arm. The two watched the scene unfold.

Merry marched over to him, smacked him out of the way and opened the drawer next to the one he'd been digging in. She grabbed a fork out of it and slapped it against his chest. "There's yer go tsao de (_dog-humped_) fork!" she sniped and then poked him with it. "Now stop tryin to change the subject. See I thought long and hard about it. Jonah Womack isn't a man who would destroy and kill and let that be his statement, oh no, see, he's a man who would want me to see his face. He's the very devil that would want me to hear his voice; hear him speak my name. Jonah Womack would want to tell me what punishment he'd meted out…and if I wasn't there then he'd find a way to do so. Thought and thought about how there wasn't a message there waiting fer me to find…and I knew…I knew anyone else on this ship would've made sure I knew something had been found" He looked about to speak, but she kept talking. "Oh don't get me wrong, I know yer crew is loyal and they'd have brought it to ye, but I'dve found out about it. Ever since we left the planet ye've been broadcasting yer anger and anxiety fer the last three hours. I thought and thought about it Malcolm Reynolds. Ye know exactly what I'm about and I want to know what yer hiding."

The galley was silent. "Thought you couldn't read me?" he said hoarsely.

Meredith wrapped her arms around her body. Her face looked fragile and bitter, "Yer so filled with anger and turmoil right now, it's impossible not to feel ye." She whispered.

Mal continued to stare at her broodingly.

"Sir." Zoe spoke quietly drawing Mal's attention. "Did Womack leave a disc or message at the Wilde's grandmother's home?"

For a moment she thought he would argue; lash out at her for questioning him. "Yes." He responded and looked up and past Meredith Wilde. "I wanted to watch it before Meredith or Sayer saw it. Wanted to see what the man had to say."

"Do you think we should view it?" she asked.

"Get the others." He ordered. Zoe nodded to Simon and the two left the galley. "Thought I was doin what was right."

"I know."

Mal smiled wryly. "You got a temper on you Miz Wilde."

"So I've been told." She let out a shaky laugh, and looked up into his face. He was staring down at her and their eyes locked together. For a moment Merry felt as if everything stopped in place, spun crazily, and then returned to normal. "Oh my." She breathed in shock.

"You okay?" he asked and tried to hide the confusion in his own eyes.

It was Merry's turn to smile wryly, "Are we just going to ignore this then? And please don't play the dullard. It's fine if that's what ye want; I'm not even sure I could do anything other, but let's don't pretend it didn't happen."

"I'm not a good man…" he started and stopped talking as the others began to file into the room. He stood at the back of the room while playing the disc and Merry sat between Sayer and River.

At the end she stood shakily and looked at the group. "I find I'm very tired. I believe I'll retire fer the evening." She managed through a clenched throat. River stood and stared at Mal with her head tilted to the side. "Good men die young…some girls need men who are going to live a long long time." Then she too exited as she went to make sure her friend was okay.

"What did that mean?" Jayne frowned. The girl still stumped him, no matter what their relationship was changing into. Then he grinned. "Hey, if that's the truth I should live a long gorram time."


	14. Chapter 14

Merry stood on the catwalks staring down at the dark and silent cargohold. "Are ye well then?" Sayer's soft voice came from the right and she turned to find him approaching.

She shrugged. "I don't rightly know. The only pain I feel right now is of the emotional sort. I've managed to block out the thoughts of everyone on board, so even in meh head there's silence. But...even emotional pain has a physical taint to it."

Sayer leaned forward on the catwalk. "Aye, I well know how that goes."

The two Wilde's shared a comfortable silence for several moments. Zoe had just begun walking towards the bridge of the ship when she found herself privy to yet another conversation she was sure was not meant for her ears. "So tell me cousin, when are you going to tell her how ye feel?"

Sayer didn't seem surprised by his cousin's question. "I don't plan to."

"Why?"

"She's already been through so much Merry. So very much pain and heartache. She lost her lifemate Merry. The man she meant to spend the rest of her existence with."

Zoe realized they were talking about her, and though she knew she should walk away, she couldn't. Neither realized she was there.

"Aye, I know that Sayer...but that doesn't mean she wouldn't return yer love. It doesn't mean that her life is over just because he's moved on. I feel him on this ship ye know...not his spirit, that's well and moved on, but an essence of him. He was a good man, and he wouldn't want her to be alone forever. Yer a fine man..."

"Oh Merry, I love ye so, but yer naive." The look on his face was both sad and wry. "Look at her. She's a true warrior woman, full of intelligence, spirit, more beauty than is seemingly fair. And perhaps once I was a fine man as ye say, but that was long ago. Now I'm scarred Merry love, I'm not deserving of that kind of life any longer."

"Yer being a fool."

"Am I? Grandmother warned me Merry, warned me that Anise wasn't fer meh. I was so blinded by her beauty...so blinded by seeing what I wanted to see that I paid no heed...and my arrogance cost us all. To this day my arrogance costs us."

"I have not once blamed ye for Jonah...not once, so why blame yerself?"

Zoe's heart raced. Sayer had feelings for her...Never had he let any clue of that be seen. He'd become her friend. She knew she was attracted to him, but had never considered the feelings would be reciprocated. It was too soon since she'd lost Wash...wasn't it? And the things he was saying? About not being good enough? She would never had believed he felt that way; he was always so jovial and uplifting.

"Ye don't need to blame me Merry...I have enough blame for the two of us. No, I shan't be telling Zoe how I feel. She'll find herself a new love one day, and when she does I'll move on from Serenity." Sayer's voice was filled with finality and he leaned forward and kissed Merry's forehead. Then he turned and walked back the way he'd come.

Merry headed directly for her cabin. She was exhausted. So much had happened, and blocking out all of the turmoil was incredibly hard at the moment. It didn't take long for her to drift off into sleep once she'd laid down. 

Hands moved over her calves and up to her thighs. Merry's eyes fluttered open to find Jonah leaning over her. He was drunk again and she knew that no matter what she did or said, when he was drunk he was cruel. This time was no exception. His hands gripped at her legs bruisingly and pried them apart. "You know I like you to be naked and waiting for me." he sneered. With one hand he reached up and ripped the already torn nightgown from her breasts. His gaze caught on her chest and he moved down to bite at her left nipple. Merry sobbed at the pain he caused and tried to push him away. He backhanded her and that hand then moved to her underwear which he proceeded to rip off. Terror filled Merry's head knowing he would soon enter her body and the pain would begin again. He didn't even take his pants off, just unbuttoned the fly, pulled down the zipper and pulled out his erection. "Look...look what you do to me." his voice was filled with excitement. With a grin he flipped her over onto her belly, and pushed her head into the bed. He slid into her, but without any lubrication or preparation it didn't go smoothly and Merry screamed at the burning pain of it. That seemed to excite him further and he pushed harder and deeper. Jonah moved his hands to pull and squeeze at her breasts as he continued to push and shove into her from behind. Merry woke up screaming.

There was a clanging as her bunk door opened and someone dropped into the room with her. Merry sobbed in fear thinking it was the devil himself come to get her, but then she recognized the scent of Malcolm.

Mal had been heading towards his own bunk when her screams had reached him and he'd hauled ass getting in to her. He moved quickly to the bed and sat down on the edge. Tears streamed down her face and her white nightgown seemed wrinkled and bunched as if she'd been restless. "Are you okay?" he asked shakily.

Merry moved threw herself into his arms. He embraced her with no hesitation and now she clutched at his shirt, her face buried in his neck. He held for what seemed like hours, but must have only been moments. "Will I never be free of him?" she choked out.

"You were dreaming of Womack?" he deduced. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest.

Merry nodded into his neck. Then she leaned back and whispered. "Make me forget him Malcolm. He's the only man who's ever touched me; make me forget his touch. Give me something else to remember." 


	15. Chapter 15

"I can't do that Meredith." Malcolm muttered and continued to hold her to him. "You're feeling all vulnerable right now, and if I were ta be with you like that it would be taking advantage of the situation."

Meredith wept. "No…not when I want ta be with ye."

"Mayhap you do…and mayhap I do too, but still…twouldn't be right to my way of thinking." He didn't let her go, even when she tried to pull away to look at him. Instead he held her against his chest and rubbed his hand down her hair soothingly. "You gotta know this ain't easy for me…I try to ignore this…whatever this is that's brewing, but it don't seem to work. I'm not a good man…and you're far too good for a man like me…but I've ignored my feelin's before, thinking I had plenty of time to work it out, and in the end I didn't have that time." Inara's face flashed through his mind. "I would hope I'm not so stupid as to do that again."

Meredith wrapped her arms around his waist and relaxed into him. Perhaps he wouldn't help her forget Jonah Womack that night, but at least he wasn't pretending he didn't have feelings for her anymore. She could feel his emotions; his fear of loss, bating down on him. "Ye're one of the best men I've ever known." She murmured. "Don't leave meh tonight. Please, stay with me. I won't be able to sleep if I'm alone."

After a moment of thought he nodded and stretched out on the bunk, pulling her back to his chest. Malcolm didn't relax until she fell asleep.

888

Kaylee lay with her head pillowed on Simon's chest. She'd wanted this for so very long, and now she had it and it was better than she thought it'd be. She'd never felt as treasured as he had the tendency to make her feel. Sometimes she wondered if she should tell him she loved him, but then she got scared. Men didn't like hearing stuff like that, did they? Even someone with Simon's background and breeding? She didn't think he'd laugh at her if she said it, but what if he did?

He wondered what the girl in his arms was thinking. She was so quiet. That was unlike her. It had taken a while to get used to, but now he enjoyed how cheerful and talkative she was. God how he'd grown to love her. At first he'd just thought it was attraction, and maybe it had been, but it hadn't taken long for love to evolve. She was different from anything he'd ever experienced and he looked forward to every moment he got to spend with her. If he'd been at home he'd have written her poetry, or sent her flowers. He'd have given her pretty words, and taken her to fancy dinners. Anything and everything to show his love for her. Out here in space though it was different. She'd probably think he was an idiot if he tried any of those things out here.

888

River stared down into the face of the sleeping Jayne. She knew after the activities they'd been engaging in she should be exhausted and sleeping too, but she couldn't. She felt the swirling emotions of the captain and Merry. She felt the ever increasing love of her brother and Kaylee. However, what was keeping her awake currently was the heartache of Sayer Wilde, and the confusion of Zoe. It seemed that Zoe had discovered Sayer's feelings for her and she didn't know what to make of them. She hadn't expected it. She hadn't expected to feel anything for the new pilot and now she was realizing that she did feel. Meanwhile, Sayer felt as if he could never let his feelings be known. He felt that Zoe would never feel for him what he felt for her.

"What are you thinkin' 'bout?" Jayne muttered coming awake with her fidgeting.

"Feelings…emotions…everyone feeling so much but not putting it into words. Most are fighting their feelings for no apparent reason…at least no good ones. Don't they know fighting will get them nowhere? This isn't a war where fighting will win?" she looked at him curiously.

"I ain't got no idea what yer talkin' about." He told her bluntly. "Who's feelin' what?"

River rolled her eyes and leaned back on the bed. "Simon and Kaylee love each other, but neither will say the words…they're just words…Captain Daddy and Meredith do their own dance trying to leap and duck under the highly tangible attraction that is chasing them both…and Zoe and Sayer are newly blooming, yet Sayer thinks he will wilt Zoe, and Zoe doesn't think she should bloom again after her original sun left so suddenly." River's voice became agitated. "Even you fight!"

"Hey, hold on a second. I ain't fighting nothin'!"

River looked at him with raised brows. "You do not speak the words that would tell me of your feelings."

"I'm not much of a talker…especially bout no feelin's." he started to feel queasy.

"This is not true, when we are intimate you often speak." She pointed out.

"But not about feelin's." his voice was hoarse. "Why talk about those? I thought things were goin' just fine the way they was."

"I believe this is where the other females on this ship would say something to the effect of spoken like a typical male." She snapped and stood.

"Aw come on…" he whined.

She sniffed once, stuck her chin in the air, and proceeded to leave his cabin.

"Tai-kong suo-yo de shing-chiou doh sai-jin wu di pigu!" (_Stuff all the planets in the universe up my butt_!) Jayne muttered and fell back onto the bed. "Gorram feelin's."


	16. Chapter 16

Zoë sat in the cabin that she used to share with Wash and she contemplated. She rarely came in here anymore. Too many memories. It shamed her now. Most of those memories were good ones. She should have held them closer to herself instead of shutting down the way she had. Instead she'd blocked it all out; locked every emotion into its own little compartment and left it there. She'd wanted to die when he'd died. Hell, she'd tried to die when he'd died, but it hadn't stuck. It was coming up on fourteen months since she'd lost him, and she'd survived. They'd all survived. The entire crew had suffered with the loss of Wash…and the loss of Book. Mal had been her greatest support; the best friend she could have asked for. He'd just let her be. Who could ask for more in a friend than someone who knew exactly what you needed? Zoë had thought he finally had a chance with Inara, and then that had been lost. Maybe not as quickly as Wash, but lost just the same.

When Sayer had joined the crew it had been like a breath of life being blown back in. He'd brought that to them; given them a purpose. Then they added Meredith; that beautiful girl who'd been through so much, suffered so much. Slowly, ever so slowly, their crew was being made complete again. They were being made into a family again. Mal and Meredith didn't fight the way he and Inara had, but it was clear that something strong ran between the two. Zoë could only hope Mal didn't ignore it this time; the way he had before. She didn't want him to lose out on a shot at something that could give him some happiness. These thoughts made her think about their new pilot…Sayer Wilde. He was a handsome man. He'd fought in the war for the Browncoats and he understood loyalty and betrayal.

He had feelings for her. That's what he'd eluded to with his cousin. That he had feelings but he'd never do anything about those feelings because he didn't think she would welcome them. Might have been a time he'd of been right. Hell, very recently there would have been a time he'd have been right. Sitting here now though, thinking and remembering all the good times she'd had with Hoban…he wouldn't have wanted her to close herself off forever. He wouldn't have wanted her to die.

&

Sayer sat in the cockpit of the ship and took a drink of the whiskey he kept in his flask. He didn't drink often, but a pull every now and then didn't hurt none. He was about to turn on some low volume music when River flounced into the small area and took a seat in the co-pilot's chair. "Well hullo there darlin'. What are you out and about doin' this evening'?"

River looked at him with a cross expression. "I do not understand feelings!" She made the word sound like it was dirty.

Sayer chuckled. "Well then, you can join the millions of others in that."

"Why do people join together if they don't understand them? Why not stay alone, and never speak to anyone else?"

"Ah, River love, feelings can be horrible, hateful things, but they can be the most beautiful, wonderful of things as well. You can't shut off feelings…well, some could I suppose, but not normally. Not a one of us on this great bird in the sky could go the day without talking to someone else, we just aren't made that way."

"Simon and Kaylee love each other." she stated.

He nodded. "Aye, that's the truth of it. And one day they'll be brave enough to say those words, if they haven't already."

She thought of that for a moment. "Meredith and Mal share feelings."

Now he looked at her. "Well then…I must say I'm surprised, but at the same time I'm not. She's a wonderful girl, and Mal's the top of the heap when it comes to men I'd want around me fair cousin. I can only hope they're careful, and find happiness."

Again she was quiet.

"I notice ye aren't mentionin' yerself and Jayne." he grinned when she frowned. "I'm thinking that one'll work out much the same as Kaylee and Simon, although mayhap not as soft or sweet as that pair."

River snorted. "No, I would definitely not refer to him as soft or sweet."

"But his eyes are all fer you darlin'." Sayer murmured and saw the girl's eyes light up.

"You're not a reader." she muttered.

"In some things it's not necessary to be a reader. Emotions and feelin's are quite easy to see in others…the biggest problem with feelin's is when it comes to yerself."

River nodded, "I'm finding this to be true."

"Nothin' truer."

&

The planet was mostly barren. There was wreckage and ruins from where someone had built perhaps a refuge, but that was now destroyed. Meredith looked around herself. The sun was hot as it burned down, and there was nothing to shade her.

"You get used to the heat eventually."

She turned to find a thin black man with grayish-white, scraggly hair. He looked at her from both kind and intelligent eyes. "I suppose you would have to if you chose to make your home here."

He smiled at her. "We called it Haven."

"It's gone now." she made it a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

"I've seen fires like this. I've seen fires made by the Alliance when they've destroyed something getting in their way. Sanctioned destruction or not."

"You've seen much."

"Aye."

"And now you travel with Serenity."

"Aye. And tell me, because I know what you are Messenger, will I bring down the wrath of Jonah Womack? Will Serenity and her crew, nay, her family, be destroyed because of me?"

"Who am I Meredith Wilde?" The man asked drawing closer and looking into her eyes.

"You're the Preacher. Book. Your loss hit Malcolm hard."

"Malcolm Reynolds is a man caught on the road between the good and the damned. It's a fine line he walks; a line he's always had to walk. He does it because someone has to. It's what can save him in the end." The Preacher, Book, began to walk away from her. He stopped and faced her when the sun was at his back. "In the end you will have the choice. It will be your life, or his."


End file.
